Before I Forget

To my girls:

I signed you up for Kindergarten today.  I have been joking to everyone that it won’t be hard, because it is going to save me so much money.

It was hard.

And now it’s hard to not cry now when I think about it.  I am glad you two are blooming and learning and becoming more precious than I could have imagined.  But just now I’m selfishly grieving the stage in my life where I was a “young mom.”  With a nine-year-old and two five-year-olds, I’ve stretched that label out for a year or two now, already.

You two are my babies.  You’re the babies it appeared I would never get to have.  I had a big, old long talk with God about the fact that I really wanted to be a mom to at least another child, but in time, I handed Him my pain and said, “Okay.  Your way, not mine.”

Being not all that spiritually mature, I have rarely given God a sacrifice that cut half as deeply.  And in return, He had already answered my prayer (times two), even as I tearfully gave it up.  I just didn’t know it yet.  When I take the time to think about whether God is worth my trust and faith, that is the moment where I inevitably land.

This spring you guys are sprouting freckles.  Jesse, you’re getting them right on your nose, and Logan, yours have started below your left eye.

This week you walked on the balance beam for the first time.  It looked an awfully long way from the ground to me, but you guys didn’t seem scared.

You both learned to tie your shoes this week.  Logan, you asked a teacher to show you after Grandma Polzin promised a surprise for learning.  I think it was good for your confidence–to do something first.  Jesse, I had the privilege of showing you just tonight.  I loved the way your face lit up.

Your favorite place to play right now is behind the garage, under the overhang.  You call it your “clubhouse.”

You have a small obsession with flip flops.  You’ve been trying to wear them practically daily since mid-February.

When you guys tell on each other right now, it is usually to say that the other said she is no longer your “best friend.”

You still call me “Momma.”

I just gave you guys a “favorites” quiz to serve as a sort of time capsule.  Jesse, here are your current favorites:  color, red; animal, dog; food, corndog; song, “Shut Up and Let Me Go;” restaurant, Ponderosa; friend, Emma; activity, walking; show, “iCarly.” 

Logan’s:  pink, sheep, pudding, “Hey, Hey I Don’t Like Your Girlfriend,” Mr. Gatti’s, Tylie, swimming and “The Wizard of Oz” (but you just call it “Dorothy”).

You guys aren’t all the way grown, yet, as fast as it does seem to be happening.  Jesse, you still talk about Aunt Blair living in “Emilynapolis.”  After we got registered today, you asked me if I would tell your preschool teacher that we “celebrated for Kindergarten today.”  Logan, last week you wanted to work at Wendy’s.  This week, you have decided to be a rock star, because you love to dance.

Just keep dancing, girls.  I’ll always be watching–hopefully with dry eyes at some point in my more mature future.

~ by nonamiss on April 17, 2009.