Question of the Day

Jesse:  Do aliens like dogs?

Me:  Well, I don’t know, because aliens aren’t real.

Jesse:  Okay, but do they?

Question of the Day

Jesse:  Mommy, I don’t know if you will know this answer or not, but…do snails like worms?

He Really Is The Man For Me

Headline: Obama To Be Prayer Day No-Show; President to Sign Proclamation, Observe Privately…

Me: You know, part of me respects the fact that he is at least not the enormous hypocrite Clinton was…becoming the most pious man in America for Prayer Day, then enjoying adulterous hummers the next–

My Husband: –Maybe that’s what he was praying for.

The Most Irrestistable Phrase in Sales

I’m in sales.

At its most generous (and most common) form, it is me offering my services with a desire to benefit both customer and myself.

At its worst, it is manipulation.

I don’t manipulate in the sense you might think.  I believe I have a good product, but if I don’t beat a comparable one on price, I walk away.  Probably not what you would want to hear if you were my sales manager, but a lot of my clients (and would-be clients)  appreciate it.

I manipulate on Friday afternoons when I don’t really want to work anymore.

I have a catch phrase that always gets me what I want.  What I do is make the call I’m supposed to make, so I don’t have to feel guilty.  But I ask the question this way:

“I was wondering if you had some time for us to nail down details on X, or if you’d rather I stopped by ‘first of the week.’”

“First of the week” is irresistable, particularly on Friday afternoons.  What holds more promise than “fist of the week?”  “First of the week” is when unforeseen duties do not screw up your schedule and energy is always high.  It is a better time for everything, really.

In fact, that’s when I’ll finish all my laundry.  Weekends aren’t really the best time for all of that work, now are they?

Before I Forget

To my girls:

I signed you up for Kindergarten today.  I have been joking to everyone that it won’t be hard, because it is going to save me so much money.

It was hard.

And now it’s hard to not cry now when I think about it.  I am glad you two are blooming and learning and becoming more precious than I could have imagined.  But just now I’m selfishly grieving the stage in my life where I was a “young mom.”  With a nine-year-old and two five-year-olds, I’ve stretched that label out for a year or two now, already.

You two are my babies.  You’re the babies it appeared I would never get to have.  I had a big, old long talk with God about the fact that I really wanted to be a mom to at least another child, but in time, I handed Him my pain and said, “Okay.  Your way, not mine.”

Being not all that spiritually mature, I have rarely given God a sacrifice that cut half as deeply.  And in return, He had already answered my prayer (times two), even as I tearfully gave it up.  I just didn’t know it yet.  When I take the time to think about whether God is worth my trust and faith, that is the moment where I inevitably land.

This spring you guys are sprouting freckles.  Jesse, you’re getting them right on your nose, and Logan, yours have started below your left eye.

This week you walked on the balance beam for the first time.  It looked an awfully long way from the ground to me, but you guys didn’t seem scared.

You both learned to tie your shoes this week.  Logan, you asked a teacher to show you after Grandma Polzin promised a surprise for learning.  I think it was good for your confidence–to do something first.  Jesse, I had the privilege of showing you just tonight.  I loved the way your face lit up.

Your favorite place to play right now is behind the garage, under the overhang.  You call it your “clubhouse.”

You have a small obsession with flip flops.  You’ve been trying to wear them practically daily since mid-February.

When you guys tell on each other right now, it is usually to say that the other said she is no longer your “best friend.”

You still call me “Momma.”

I just gave you guys a “favorites” quiz to serve as a sort of time capsule.  Jesse, here are your current favorites:  color, red; animal, dog; food, corndog; song, “Shut Up and Let Me Go;” restaurant, Ponderosa; friend, Emma; activity, walking; show, “iCarly.” 

Logan’s:  pink, sheep, pudding, “Hey, Hey I Don’t Like Your Girlfriend,” Mr. Gatti’s, Tylie, swimming and “The Wizard of Oz” (but you just call it “Dorothy”).

You guys aren’t all the way grown, yet, as fast as it does seem to be happening.  Jesse, you still talk about Aunt Blair living in “Emilynapolis.”  After we got registered today, you asked me if I would tell your preschool teacher that we “celebrated for Kindergarten today.”  Logan, last week you wanted to work at Wendy’s.  This week, you have decided to be a rock star, because you love to dance.

Just keep dancing, girls.  I’ll always be watching–hopefully with dry eyes at some point in my more mature future.

Freakin’ Audited

I got my commission check today so I paid nearly the whole month’s bills up front online.  I’ve been very proud of getting financially organized and nearly ahead of the game.  Paying debt down is my new hobby.  Since I was seeing some light at the end of what has been a very long tunnel with last year’s gas prices, I treated the kids to lunch, our first IMAX movie, popcorn, candy, etc.  It was a great day.

Then I got home.

I owe the IRS $1,058–due in 3 weeks.   That would be a week shy of my next commission check in case any of you are keeping score at home.

I don’t really know what the problem is–which is not surprising, since I paid an accountant quite a bit of money to understand it all for me in the first place.

Doesn’t the freakin’ mob give you a full 30 days before breaking your knuckles?

Also, I cannot tell you how much joy it gives me to send my interest and penalties straight to Mr. Geithner.  No hypocrisy there.  None at all.  Talk about giving with a joyful heart…

Multitasking Mom Style

Some folks get paid a lot of money to sit at a bench, elevated above all others in the room, to use their education, experience and wisdom to legislate matters of law.  The prestige that comes with this job is remarkable.  The protocol includes such perks as having everyone stand when they enter the room.  When addressed, the proper title for people of this profession is, “Your Honor.”  There are even fancy costumes involved.

Why is it that anytime I need more than minute in the bathroom, in decidedly less regal circumstances, similar judicial concerns so often arise?

From upon my throne, through the bathroom door, I have legislated matters of property rights, trespassing, breach of contract, defamation and the occasional minor physical assault.

Pay and prestige do not accompany my duties, but my rulings are never overturned.

This Is What Happens When Work Says: ‘You Can’t Get Sick Anymore’

Let’s recap this month’s events since I signed a paper at work acknowledging I couldn’t get sick for sixty days due to excessive absence (more than a week in a rolling twelve month period).  Three children with a two day fever, two ER visits due to acute ear infections, a call from school due to a fever relapse and now we have *(drumroll)* chicken pox!  That’s just shy of four weeks events in my household.  Well at least we’re not talking about anything highly contagious that would practically be an automatic for the other two in the coming weeks…

Things About Jesus

continuing study notes…not meant to be entertaining or cohesive…just to keep me on track

Picking up in Mark (Message)

• Even Jesus could not bring his own neighbors to God in Mark 6:6  Again, I see his relaxed, unforced nature.  He didn’t mourn for what He couldn’t change.  He moved on:

He couldn’t get over their stubbornness. He left and made a circuit of the other villages, teaching.

• But when people were willing to hear, Jesus couldn’t help but teach.  Here, He was trying to get away for rest (Mark 6:34)

At the sight of them, his heart broke—like sheep with no shepherd they were. He went right to work teaching them.

• Mark 6:56 sounds like “seek and you shall find.

And whoever touched him became well.

• The following ( Mark 6:6-8 ) is what makes me want to strip away what I think I know about how I’m supposed to worship:

^6-8Jesus answered, “Isaiah was right about frauds like you, hit the bull’s-eye in fact:

These people make a big show of saying the right thing,
but their heart isn’t in it.

They act like they are worshiping me,
but they don’t mean it.

They just use me as a cover
for teaching whatever suits their fancy,

Ditching God’s command
and taking up the latest fads.”

• Open question from Mark 7…does anyone understand why Jesus is being so harsh with this woman?  She is only doing what the folks in the previous paragraphs have done–seeking healing from Jesus, but he essentially calls her a dog.  Also, why is he impressed that she finds this weird tablescrap loophole?  That’s it.  When I get stumped, I usually hang it up for the night:

^24-26From there Jesus set out for the vicinity of Tyre. He entered a house there where he didn’t think he would be found, but he couldn’t escape notice. He was barely inside when a woman who had a disturbed daughter heard where he was. She came and knelt at his feet, begging for help. The woman was Greek, Syro-Phoenician by birth. She asked him to cure her daughter.

²⁷He said, “Stand in line and take your turn. The children get fed first. If there’s any left over, the dogs get it.”

²⁸She said, “Of course, Master. But don’t dogs under the table get scraps dropped by the children?”

^29-30Jesus was impressed. “You’re right! On your way! Your daughter is no longer disturbed. The demonic affliction is gone.” She went home and found her daughter relaxed on the bed, the torment gone for good.

Weigh In For Liberty; Here’s The Link (An Exercise In Denial)

***I’m sure yours will be less pissy than mine (text below).  If you haven’t guessed, I’m a bit worked up by this bill.  In any case, the President wants us to weigh in and I am certain he will read with an open mind to what his elected populous has to say.  Especially since he has telegraphed his intention to sign it tomorrow regardless.  ;P

http://www.whitehouse.gov/the_press_office/arra_public_review/

When there are more takers than makers, our system will obviously collapse.  This bill gives incentives to collect, rather than to strive.  That is immoral on two counts:  for confiscating the earnings of contributors and by enslaving people by encouraging them not to search their own souls for ingenuity or disciplined work.

This is an appropriations bill–not an economic stimulus plan.  I’m not mad we’re only getting 800 bucks.  I’m baffled and heart sick that we’re digging a debt hole like this and the American family is getting a measly 800 bucks.  It is not worth it to me.  If you would reconsider dumping the interest, debt, and entitlement society on my children, I will gladly forgo my 400 to 800 buck share of this debacle.

NASA needs 400 mill to 1 bill to stimulate the economy?  Is space where we’ll find the money trees?  The USDA and Dept of Commerce need redecorated to stimulate the economy?  I remember thinking Merrill Lynch was pretty crappy for doing that with our money. I remember you all thinking so, too, a week before running off with the same racket.

Half a bill for STDs?  Can’t we expect people to exercise self preservation instincts for free?  All animals do.  Do we have lower expectations of our entitlement set, than what we could expect of a dog on a cold night?

More than half a bill so people can watch TV?  I like TV.  It is neither a constitutionally protected right, nor an emergency.  I promise.  Same with the 50 mill for the arts.  Starving people can do without art.  That’s what we were supposed to believe right?  Imminent unemployment, depression, starvation?  Or is it just a more colorless world of less television and government funded art?  A world in which you might get STDs if you are stupid enough to not take care of yourself?  You cannot legislate wisdom or safety.  Some people will always resist for their own reasons, so let’s save the dime.

From Thomas Jefferson:

A wise and frugal government, which shall leave men free to regulate their own pursuits of industry and improvement, and shall not take from the mouth of labor the bread it has earned – this is the sum of good government.

My reading of history convinces me that most bad government results from too much government.

Our country is now taking so steady a course as to show by what road it will pass to destruction, to wit: by consolidation of power first, and then corruption, its necessary consequence.

The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who would not.

**I understand this is a farce.  If it were not, the President would not have telegraphed his intention to sign prior to asking for our very important input to guide his decision.  What I am curious about is how anyone could think blind, drunken spending is a good solution for a period of belt tightening?  Where is Candidate Obama who promised to cut waste?  He’s the same guy pushing through more debt than the world’s current combined GDP.  Or are there longer range plans?  Is this a measured “Perfect Storm” set of circumstances intended to guarantee your electorate and pave for your tired, old ideas of socialism?  Socialism is only as effective as its government’s willingness to care for the people ahead of the interests of those in power.  *shiver*